“A Formula for Healthy Relationships”

by Anne Marie Smoke

– Originally posted on November 1, 2018 in State of Hawai’i Judiciary blog

The thing that separates healthy and happy relationships from miserable ones is a balance of positive to negative interactions. Studies in the field of social psychology show that it takes five positive interactions to make up for every one bad encounter you have with someone. 

It is called the 5:1 Magic Ratio. Think of it as a simple formula for building healthy relationships. 

There are other positive outcomes of balancing good and bad human encounters that affect our work environment. Studies in human performance continue to reflect decades-old theories on the value of positive reinforcement in the workplace. This wisdom suggests that positive reinforcement—which by all conventional measures is a good encounter—can make an organization more effective and bring out the best in everybody. 

Here is how it works. We experience approximately 20,000 individual moments in a waking day each lasting just a few seconds. The moments that make an indelible mark on our memory are not the neutral encounters we have with others, but the ones that are either positive or negative. Even though these encounters are only seconds long, they can be life-changing. 

If you can change someone’s life in just a few seconds, why not make it for the better and get the added payoff of cultivating a happy, more productive workplace. It all starts by establishing a culture of positive exchanges. 

Pay someone a compliment. Offer a few encouraging words. Show appreciation. Help a coworker save face. Or, simply greet your coworkers with a smile! 

The good news is that you can bank good actions or encounters. After all, we are human, and we all have momentary lapses in judgement, or mindless, rushed moments when we are unaware of what we are leaving in our wake. So, while you are consciously making someone’s day with a kind gesture, you are banking positive encounters to balance the scale when your lesser self takes over. 

While we wind down the year and plan for 2019, consider making the 5:1 ratio a personal daily or weekly goal, or engage your co-workers and make it a team effort. Fill your relationship bank with good interactions and see for yourself what transforms. You just might make your office a better place to work! 

Take the 5:1 Kindness Challenge with us in October 
to see how it really works.

Click here to get started!

Sources:

• Gottman, J. (2008). A Fine Balance: The Magic Ration to a Healthy Relationship Purdue Extension. CFS-744-W, Purdue University 
• Daniels, Aubrey C. (2016). Bringing Out the Best in People: How to Apply the Astonishing Power of Positive Reinforcement, Third Edition, McGraw Hill, 2016 
• Kahneman, D., & Riis, J. (2005). Living, and Thinking about It: Two Perspectives on Life. The Science of Well-Being, 285-304. http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/acprof:oso /9780198567523.003.0011. Downloaded 1, November 2018